Musicians Who Will Be Haunting Target From Now On

I recently visited Target, the temple of people who like cheap stuff but don’t go to Walmart because of their labor ethics, pride, or sadness. As I passed by the Women’s Clothing section, I was stopped in my tracks.

Because I couldn’t be seeing what I was seeing.

But I was. It was real.

No, I did not see this particular model, with her uncomfortable arrangement of arms. This is an image from Target’s website. But I did see this T-shirt — a whole rack of them. And something about it broke my brain.

I’ve seen lots of branded T-shirts at Target before, but the strangeness of seeing this dead rap icon emblazoned on a bright orange shirt next to $4 tank tops was still shocking.

All I could think was,

“Tupac is gonna haunt your ass, Target.”

Later, I checked out Target’s T-shirt selection online.

And the good(?) news is that Mr. Shakur will not be alone. Target should be on one of those ghost hunter reality shows because it has got to be the most haunted building on earth.

Here are some of the other spirits who will be knocking cans of Market Pantry(TM) tomato paste off the shelves.

John Lennon

I am 99% sure his dream wasn’t the T-shirt version of a motivational Instagram quote.

Whitney Houston

I get so emotional, baby. Every time I look at this shirt.

Malcolm Young of AC/DC

To be clear, I’m all for hot dudes who like AC/DC. Hit me up.

Kurt Cobain

Actual photograph of Kurt’s face when he heard about this.

Bob Marley

Poor Bob has a lot of swap meets to haunt already.

Selena

Andy Warhol told Selena to give ’em hell.

Jimi Hendrix

The Electric Ladyland he pictured didn’t include a special on paper towels.

Michael Jackson

Deep in the stockroom, a Target employee hears a faint, high-pitched giggle.

Johnny Cash

With all these dead musicians, you’re walking the line of good taste, Target.

Prince

Yeah, because he wasn’t into protecting and controlling his own image or anything…

Writer, musician, improvisor, recovering pessimist.

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