7 People You Meet at a Baby Boomer Concert

“He wasn’t as good as Clapton.”

I have pretty eclectic taste in music. I have seen concerts by Bad Religion and One Direction. I saw Janelle Monaé on her spectacular Dirty Computer tour and internet sensations Turquoise Jeep when they played the tiny stage of a San Diego dive bar.

But my taste in music sometimes lead me to concerts where I stick out a bit, because most of the crowd at a Bob Dylan or Buddy Guy concert are already collecting social security (which may not even be a thing for my generation). To guide others, here is a short list of the characters you will meet at classic rock or Baby Boomer concert.

1. The Guy Who’s Seen Everyone

Some people have spent a lot of their time and money going to concerts. And they want you to know it. This person, usually a white guy in his fifties (although that’s most of the crowd anyway), spends the time before and after sets recounting and comparing acts. Like the guy who said, after a Bob Dylan show that “Clapton was better.” Or the man who tells his wife and buddy that Van Morrison barely moved onstage.

2. Drunk People

Obviously, you get this character at just about any show. Sometimes it’s a couple determined to make date night count by guzzling margaritas and pawing each other through every ballad. Other times, it’s the Dom Deluise lookalike who is absolutely annihilated on $12 beers.

3. People Complaining About Drunk People

This can also happen at a lot of shows, but I’ve definitely noticed it more at these oldies or classic rock concerts. Listen Karen, I’m also annoyed by the barely vertical people talking loudly, but your angry looks and stage whispers are only making it harder for me to hear “Hotel California.”

4. The Mom Who’s Here to Dance

Joanne has been waiting for this show for weeks, you had better fucking believe she is going to have fun. She’s three chardonnays in and she hasn’t felt this good since the 2014 office Christmas party. When she hears the opening piano on “Don’t Stop Believing,” all bets are OFF.

5. The Ed Hardy Guy

I hesitate to even call this guy out, because he usually doesn’t cause any trouble. In fact, you wouldn’t even notice him if he weren’t trying so hard to look cool and hip. But unless you’re the guy onstage, it’s really hard to pull off a vest as a shirt or acid-washed jeans with bedazzled crosses on the butt pockets.

6. Weed-Loving Old Man

He is wearing a Hawaiian shirt, but those aren’t hibiscus flowers on his sleeve. He may have driven here in a mid-range BMW, but he is about to blast off in a strawberry spaceship. He lights up on the second song and tries to get the whole audience to clap with him on the third. But people these days just don’t know how to party.

7. Teens brought by parents

These concert attendees stick out even more than me. They are typically polite but aloof. They’re nice enough kids that they won’t bitch and moan about going to an expensive concert, but they really don’t see what the big deal is about this 80-year-old guy humping his guitar.

Writer, musician, improvisor, recovering pessimist.

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